We’d joked about the “tsunami evacuation route” signs lining the coastal highway to our Oregon rental cabin. “Overkill,” my husband said, tossing our Yeti Cooler ($300) onto the deck. But on July 19th, 2024, the ocean didn’t roar—it inhaled. A mile of seabed lay bare, littered with flapping fish. Then the water returned. Here’s how we survived when the escape routes became death traps, and why you’ll never look at a garden hose the same way again.
Minute 1: When the Sea Disappeared
Our 12-year-old, Noah, spotted it first—a bald eagle swooping to snatch stranded fish. The tide had vanished, leaving boats tilted like drunken sentinels. We’d missed the quake’s subtle tremor while debating pancake toppings.
First Mistake:
Our rental’s “emergency kit” was a dusty box of Band-Aids and a 1997 flashlight.
First Miracle:
Noah’s Vostok Amphibia Dive Watch ($250)—a birthday gift he’d mocked as “old people gear”—tracked the receding tide’s speed. “We have 8 minutes,” he yelled, quoting a YouTube survivalist.
Minute 22: Vertical Escape
The cabin’s ground floor disintegrated in a soup of splintered wood and refrigerator parts. We clawed up the pine-tree-dotted cliff behind the house, the KEEN Targhee Hiking Boots ($160) on my wife’s feet gripping mud like claws.
Improvised Tools:
- Fiskars Hatchet ($35): Cleared fallen branches blocking our path
- Nitecore MH12S Flashlight ($90): Its strobe mode signaled rescuers through fog
The Betrayal:
Our Garmin inReach Mini 2 (20)—left in his pocket—became our only working tech.
Hour 5: Freshwater Calculus
Thirst drove us to drink from a mossy rock pool. Then my wife remembered her Lifestraw Flex ($35), buried in her toiletry bag since a canceled camping trip.
The Trade-Off:
- 3 sips of algae-tainted water = 1 hour of clarity
- Coghlan’s Fishing Kit ($12): Caught 6-inch trout using Noah’s shoelace as line
The Real Hunger:
We ate Pine Bark (vitamin C!) and debated licking Banana Slug Slime for hydration.
Hour 28: The Fire That Fooled Rescuers
Wet matches mocked us until my wife—a chemistry teacher—remembered her Zippo Hand Warmer ($25).
Pyro Hacks:
- Magnesium Fire Starter (5): Ignited soggy driftwood
- Heatsheet Survival Blanket ($10): Reflected flames into a 20-foot signal tower
The Bitter Twist:
Our fire attracted a black bear before the Coast Guard.
The Rescue That Almost Killed Us
Day 2: A helicopter spotlight blinded us. We waved the UST FlexLight ($17)—its whistle piercing rotor noise.
Final Irony:
They nearly missed us because we’d spelled “HELP” with GlowStick Bracelets ($10) stolen from Noah’s rave phase.
What We Keep in the Garage Now
- AquaPodKit 3-Day Water Bladder ($30): Fits in toilet tanks silently
- ACR ResQLink PLB ($300): GPS locator that floats
- Datrex Coast Guard Rations ($25): Tastes like hope dipped in wax
- Wubbanub Pacifier ($12): Calms panic attacks (adult-tested)
The Lesson the Ocean Taught Us:
Tsunamis don’t care about your evacuation plans. But a prepubescent survivalist with a Tamagotchi? That’s nature’s wild card.